It's Wednesday and time for my weekly report on what happened in my efforts to go sugar little.
You hear a great deal about the physical addictions to sugar but I also believe that you can become emotionally addicted to sugar as well. I say this because this is my experience
One of my healers long time ago told me that you can become addicted or attached to certain tastes for emotional reasons. For example, in the case of sugar, you can over consume the sweets as a way to make up for the lack of sweetness in your life like love, belongingness, or a sense of purpose. I have absolutely no arguments with that logic because I can say that is true for myself.
When sugar is love
One reason I believe that I use sugary foods as a way to make up for the sweetness I feel like I am lacking in life is in the area of love. When I'm in a relationship or very happily in love, my consumption of deserts in particular drops. My evening cravings for cookies, ice cream, or red licorice nibs diminishes because the taste of cuddles, hugs, and sex at night time are far more appetizing to me.
To me, love is sweetness. If I can't have a man to cuddle with, I can certainly get a dark chocolate frosted cupcake to take his place. I'm not saying it's right. I'm just saying that is what the inner Emo monster convinces us.
Having a highly Emo week
This week was particularly highly emotional for me, and I most definitely craved the love and acceptance of sodas, ice cream, and lemon meringue pie. On Saturday, I was all emo and listening to sappy songs like "All By Myself" about how love seems to be available for everyone except for me. But then, the universe sent me a beautiful unexpected act of nature to remind me that even in the dark of the storm, something wonderful can happen. I was really craving Ho Ho's, red velvet bundt cake at this bakery down the street from me, and mint chip hemp ice cream.
Sprinkles has a new vegan Red Velvet cupcake which I'm dying to try but have refrained from this far. If it weren't for all the rain this weekend, I would driven the 15 miles just to go get one of those decadent cupcakes and make it my boyfriend for the evening....I know, but hey, I'm being real here.
Getting really unexpected news
Then on Sunday, my mom called to tell me that Grandma coded in the hospital and then slipped into a coma. On Monday after lunch, my folks called me to tell me that Grandma passed away Sunday night, and that I needed to fly back home to California for her funeral. I was really sad because I loved my grandmother very much and she's been such a big influence in my life. I wrote this post in her honor about how she taught me what really beauty is about.
I always thought I would be married before she died because family is so important to her and to me too. I wanted her to see before she left us all that I was happy in love with a family of my own or at least starting one with a husband.
This is the traditionalist in me, and so now that dream will never happen, so you can imagine how that feeling really made me want to inhale a whole jelly roll and swallow it down with hot cocoa loaded with homemade marshmallows like these absolutely stunning marshmallows @ZahraHov made and put in her cocoa. I was practically licking the screen drooling over that cocoa.
I didn't overload on sugar but....
On Monday night, everything was just hitting me too much so admittedly, I needed to self medicate. But instead of reaching for half a dozen chocolate chip cookies like I normally would do, I drank a bottle of Two Buck Chuck Shiraz, the best cheapest sophisticated wine in town....in my humble opinion. Seriously, $2.99 for a whole bottle of wine that doesn't suck or comes in a box or with a screw cap is really wonderful for those of us living in starving artist mode til our big break happens.
Instead of just seeing this as getting drunk which really I was more just happily buzzed, I looked at it as toasting Grandma's life....over and over again. She would have approved because Grandma was always the life of the party and back in the day, I've seen her pound down a few herself. And of course we're in the safety of our home, no driving, and I was smart to also drink copious amounts of H20. I too walk my hydration nudge talk.
Now drinking a bottle of red wine by yourself is certainly by all means not a "better" alternative to eating a bunch of cookies even though I did consume less sugar grams. But, to celebrate a tiny victory, I did not inhale any cheesecake, rice krispy treats, or marshmallow covered cocoa which is good!
Next step though, is to pick something better or I should say something that is more effective in helping me reach my health goals while being comforting. Maybe a nice bowl of butternut squash soup with a warm soothing bubble bath. I need to get more creative at finding things that comfort me without involving food all the time. Because yes, for me, food = comfort....big time.
I have to get a bunch of things ready today because I fly out to California Thursday morning and I'll be gone a week. It's also my mom, aunt, and sis-in-laws birthdays, so with grandma passing, I now more then ever want to spend as much time as I can with loved ones especially my mommy...yeah, we're at the mommy level of needing comfort now and my mom is really good at spoiling me with affection and attention.
So, how was your week with the sugar weaning? Those of you who gave up sugar for lent, how is that going?