This morning it was pouring rain, and I was having one of those days where I realized just how alone I am. I don't mean alone in the emotional sense because I know I have plenty of people who love me, but alone in the physical sense.
I hear "All By Myself" playing in my head as I'm having a major case of sappy
These alone feelings have surfaced more because I'm still a newbie here having left the Bay Area four months ago and moving to Phoenix where I really didn't know anyone. Valentine's Day weekend was fun because my friend Huong came out from California to hang out with me, so I was able to forget for awhile that my Ex is married now and many of my single friends have quickly been coupling up with people who are really nice and cool.
Love seems to be finding everyone except for me...at least that is how my heart was feeling this morning, so of course, I headed straight into woe-is-me-ville. When I start getting into that pity party mindset, it can trigger a sweet binge where all I want to do is eat mint chip ice cream, German chocolate cake, and Trader Joe's Jo-Jo's cookies. Today, Whole Foods had these really cool looking candied apples, and I sure was tempted to sooth away my feelings with caramel covered fruit on a stick.
Instead of fighting my sweet cravings, what I do nowadays is go to the grocery store bakery and just gawk at all the deserts. I tell myself I can get something if I want, and usually what happens now is that I end up getting nothing or a small piece of chocolate. I'm learning that just saying the word "no" or hinting at any kind of denial or deprivation sets off the inner binge monster, so I just say yes to everything, and that is enough for me to stay on my sugar weaning course.
Nothing can stop the light from rising from the storm
Speaking of Trader Joe's, I had to run over to TJ'sto get some more Herb Salad mix and bottles of water. I thought it good too to get out of the house so I wouldn't wallow all afternoon. When I drove out of the parking lot of TJs, still feeling a bit hopeless about love, I looked up and saw not one but two rainbows in the sky.
I took a picture from my iPhone camera and you can clearly see the first one, and a hint of the second. Rainbows make me happy because it reminds me that even out of a cold storm, something amazingly beautiful can emerge. And to see a double rainbow, well that is even more uncommon.
I took this as a sign from the Universe telling me to not give up and to keep hope that one day soon I too will have a love of my own, someone who will cherish me, and will want to build a life with me. I was reminded too that no matter how much darkness is around, nothing can keep a beautiful light from shining through. And cloudy days don't last forever, they too pass so that a sunny one can take it's place.
So, remember, keep hope knowing that if your days look or feel cloudy, that this is not permanent. Your sunshine and rainbow will emerge too!
