How about a little life chat about perspective over a cup of oat milk mochas? There's something very soothing about chocolatey caffeine.
I find it really amazing how simply changing how you look at something can literally shift your feelings in moments. The data and facts will stay the same but how the situation looks can dramatically change simply by changing your perspective.
I always loved this scene from Dead Poets Society where Robin Williams' character showed his students how the world could look different by simply standing on your desk.
I remember a time when I would be stuck in a depressive state for days mainly because my thoughts were stuck on the negative or downside of whatever was pressing me at the time.
For example, whenever I'd go through a breakup, I would lament for months about why the guy left me, why I wasn't good enough, or what is it I could have done to be prettier, sexier, or nicer. Thinking about those things constantly just made me feel more unworthiness and "not-enoughness."
One day, a new healer I went to see asked me a simple question, "Is it possible that your Ex did you a favor by leaving?" Instantly, I was captivated because that thought never even occurred to me.
She went on and said, "Perhaps, if you had stayed with him your life might have gotten worse instead of better. By ending the relationship, you are now free to go be with someone else who adores you and appreciates you. Maybe you are actually saving time by being cut free from a relationship that wasn't joyful or helping you grow....Is that a possibility?"
I remember sitting in my chair, staring at her with my mouth hanging open...but now feeling calm and even a sense of relief versus the sadness and melancholy I was feeling when I first got to my appointment.
My brain started to analyze her question because the healer was correct in that my Ex breaking up with me was a benefit for me as it is feasible on the grid of possibilities. I was so focused on the negatives that it never occurred to me that there were advantages to this breakup.
There are always advantages to what seems like loss
She and I started to list the advantages to the breakup, and it was amazing to me that in a matter of mere minutes, I was now feeling hopeful, excited, and yes even joyful. I was feeling joyful about the possibilities of the future and of the next relationship. I was feeling joyful that I could be with someone who was a better fit for me, who connected with me, and who shared more of my values.
Nothing changed on the outside. The guy and I were still broken up, and he was with someone new. But, on the inside, everything had changed because I changed my perspective. I stopped focusing on what I had lost and started to focus on what I had gained.
I also came to realize that my ego was more hurt about this breakup than my higher self. The ego wanted control, and it didn't get control so it created a drama...the constant depressive state.... to simulate some sense of control. We can never control other people, only ourselves. But, we also have a choice in how we control ourselves. I'd much rather put myself in a state of feeling abundance versus lack.
Changing perspective on what problems are can also shift your feelings dramatically. Before, I used to see problems as annoyances or even punishments, but now I can see them as big homework assignments from life and ask, "What is the lesson I am to learn from this situation? How can I grow from this challenge"
When put like that, problems don't seem as daunting. In fact, when put like that, problems are of benefit to us because we can come out being a better human being which is always a huge win in my book.
